Am I a Narcissist?

One of the many questions that clients ask early on in therapy is "am I a Narcissist?

This usually comes in the early days of "discovery" or may have been a contention all along. My usual response is that there is a big difference in being clinically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and being selfish. While the term may be over utilized under the current circumstances, there is a diagnostic criteria which must be met in order to be classified as a true narcissist for an actual professional diagnosis.

Can you have narcissistic tendencies? YES!

Any Addiction is first and foremost, selfish "acting out", it almost always involves others. It hurts family, friends, and co-workers. It leaves victims - and destroys you!

In active addiction, (regardless of the addiction) the person often making these accusations are the same people who have been betrayed, gas lighted, hurt and had their lives, future, and family - upended by the activities that brought you in for help. They are traumatized by your actions which seem in many cases, unfathomable, unless they can be explained by the contention that you are a narcissist. For a "non-addict", it is incredibly difficult to imagine how you could make the choices that you have made and how or why, you have chosen them over what you have.

For most, the rationale for the lay diagnosis of narcissism is an that you have an inability to "be there" and express appropriate empathy for the people you have hurt. Another common second contention is: "My partner is telling me I am not empathetic?".

On some level, even without being a true narcissist, it is extremely difficult for an individual to reconcile with having become both the perpetrator and the supporter. Therefore, it is confusing and in many cases overwhelming to play two distinctly opposed roles. On the same vein, for your partner, it is even more confusing to reconcile with having love for your perceived abuser. During therapy we are going to explore YOUR range of emotions. All of us have varying degrees of emotional intelligence and ability. While early in recovery we explore your emotional connections, ability to identify emotions and express them, and your own unique ways in which you can comfortably express and meet the emotional needs of others. At the core of many sex addiction offenses are unresolved underlying early trauma, attachment disorders, intimacy issues, and boundary crossings. All of these possibilities leave in their wake, a variety of defense mechanisms affecting the ability to express and feel emotion.

Remember - to act in a way towards another individual is not the same as acting this way to everyone. While sex addiction behaviors can include several of the criteria, it can also be viewed through the lens of circumstance in the relationship - not in general. Curious about the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? See below. A true diagnosis comes from a trained professional.